For so many of us in law, what the inner critic says feels like the truth in the moment: that we’re not smart enough, tough enough, perfect enough. But that voice isn’t the truth; it’s conditioning. It’s training. In this episode, I’ll show you how to deal with your inner critic so it’s not the one running your career or your life.
 

Welcome to The Lawyer Burnout Solution, the podcast for women attorneys who want to move from survival mode to a sustainable, fulfilling lawyer life. I’m Heather Mills, and every week I share tools, strategies, and mindset shifts to help you reclaim your energy, confidence, and career.

Today we’re talking about the inner critic, the voice that criticizes your every move and insists you’re not enough, no matter how much you do. By the end of this episode, you’ll know what that voice really is, why fighting it tends to make it louder, and how working with it, rather than trying to shove it aside, can make you a more effective lawyer.

In law, the critic often echoes the profession’s so-called rules. They sound like survival strategies, which is why they’re so hard to question. Over time, they fuel stress, and eventually, burnout.

A lot of advice tells you to silence or banish the critic. The problem is, that doesn’t work. The voice doesn’t disappear. It usually gets louder.

Instead of silencing, I focus on integration: recognizing the critic as one part of you. A part shaped by training that thinks it’s protecting you, but overreacts. You don’t have to believe it or obey it. You can let your wiser Self step in; the part that can question what the critic says and set standards that actually work.

So how does the critic actually show up? Most of the time it takes two forms.

As rules: “If I don’t respond to this email right away, they’ll assume I’m not dedicated.” “If I push back on a deadline, they’ll think I’m difficult.” “If I admit I need more time, they’ll decide I can’t hack it.”

As judgments: “I should be further along in my career by now.” “Everyone else seems to manage this pace, why can’t I?” “If this feels hard, maybe I’m just not cut out for it.” “As a partner, if I slow down, everyone will notice, and I’ll lose respect.”

Different packaging, same impact: it keeps you overworking, second-guessing, and shrinking back from what you know you’re capable of.

And that’s why the critic feels so convincing. It doesn’t just sound like opinion; it lands in your body like survival code. Let’s look at why that happens.

The critic feels convincing because your brain and body register its voice as a threat. Those old scripts: bill more, don’t rest, never ask for help - land like survival code for the profession. Ignoring them feels risky.

But what the critic says isn’t the truth. It’s conditioning. Law school, family, and culture handed you these rules, and over time they soaked in so deeply they stopped sounding optional.

Here’s the link: conditioning explains the content of the critic’s voice, while brain science explains why it feels so urgent and physical. Your amygdala, the alarm system of your brain, runs those rules like survival code. It doesn’t distinguish between a missed email and an actual threat. So when the critic pipes up, your body reacts as if you’re in danger: cortisol spikes, your focus narrows, your whole system braces for impact.

When that loop runs all day, your body never resets. Over time, lawyers end up living in a state of chronic stress. And chronic stress is what eventually tips into burnout.

Another giveaway? The critic contradicts itself. One moment it hisses, “You’d better stay later or they’ll think you’re not committed enough.” The next it shames you with, “You’re a terrible parent for never being home.” When one voice makes opposite claims, that’s not wisdom; it’s just noise.

That’s why integration matters. Questioning the critic interrupts the cycle. It brings your prefrontal cortex, the reasoning part of your brain, back online. And from there, you can think more clearly, work more effectively, and actually recover.
 

Trying to silence or ignore the inner critic usually backfires and makes the voice louder. Even arguing with it or swinging to the opposite extreme is still letting the critic set the terms, because you’re reacting instead of choosing.
 

Here’s the alternative. Think of it this way: would you ever accept an unsupported assertion in a brief, or treat dicta as binding precedent? Of course not. You’d question it, test it, cross-examine it. Integration is doing the same thing with the critic. You stop treating its claims as law and start examining whether the evidence supports them.

Integration isn’t about befriending the critic or smashing every rule. It’s about letting your capital-S Self rise in defense in a way that’s curious, grounded, discerning.

The critic says: “Don’t show uncertainty.”
Self says: “Asking questions sharpens my judgment.”

The critic says: “You’re not good enough.”
Self says: “I’ve heard you say that before. I no longer believe that’s true; it’s just something you repeat to protect me from possible rejection.”
 

So how do you actually start practicing integration in real time? Three simple steps:

Step One: Name the critic. Catch it in the act. Say out loud, “That’s my critic talking.” Even that tiny bit of labeling creates some distance.

Step Two: Notice the type of voice you’re hearing. Is it trying to enforce a rule, like don’t rest, don’t ask for help, or is it making a judgment, like you’re not enough, you don’t belong?

Step Three: Let your Self respond with nuance. Not by arguing or doing the opposite, but with a curious defense. Ask yourself: Does this rule or judgment serve me here? Is it true, or just an old script? What’s the cost of going along with it? What’s one small shift that would help me last here without burning out?

Here’s what that can sound like in the moment:

Critic: “You need to say yes to prove yourself.”
Self: “Pause. Is that really true? What’s actually needed here?”

Critic: “You can’t leave before your partners do.”
Self: “Leaving at 6 tonight sharpens my work tomorrow. That’s commitment too.”

Critic: “This contract has to be perfect or you’ll blow it.”
Body: jaw clenches, shoulders tighten, heart races.
Self: “This isn’t an emergency. Let me breathe, then edit with a clear head.”

Now you might be wondering: does this really make a difference in practice? Let’s look at what the evidence says.

Studies show that when lawyers push through long stretches without recovery, decision quality drops. Chronic overwork is linked to higher error rates, lower client satisfaction, and, over time, major health impacts. Integration isn’t fluffy. It’s a practical way to protect your performance.

Let's look at some examples.

Let’s say you’re a Litigator: Your critic says, “One mistake and you’ll lose credibility.” You tighten up and lose some of your natural presence. Integration here isn’t about spilling emotion. It’s about allowing enough humanity to keep the judge with you.

Or let’s say you’re In-house counsel: Your critic says, “If you push back, you’re the department of no.” You say yes and end up fixing problems at midnight. Integration might be one small shift: asking clarifying questions before you agree. That alone can change how the business sees the value you bring.

Let’s say you’re a Public interest lawyer: Your critic says, “Be grateful. Don’t complain about too many cases.” You stay silent as the organization tries to help more and more clients without more staff. Integration could mean speaking up once and framing it around client impact. That single step can start a bigger conversation.

And if you’re skeptical, that’s fair. Bring me your toughest example, the situation where you think integration couldn’t possibly apply. We’ll take it apart in a future episode.
 

You might be thinking, “This won’t work for me.” If that thought comes up, treat it as a hypothesis to test. Run a low-risk experiment and see what happens.

Or maybe you’re saying, “I don’t have time for this.” And I'd ask you if you have ten seconds. Because that’s how long it takes to notice the critic, pause, and engage your pre-frontal cortex in a way that brings more nuance to the situation.
 

Here’s what I want you to takeaway from today: the critic may sound like fact, but it’s really old training replaying in your head. Sometimes it shows up as strict rules, sometimes as harsh self-judgment. Either way, it’s conditioning. And remember this: the critic isn’t in charge. You are. Integration is letting your wiser Self step up, cross-examine those voices, and choose what truly serves you. That’s how you protect your health, sharpen your judgment, and define success in a way that actually sustains you.
 

If your inner critic has been running the show and you want support integrating it, book a free 20-minute Stress Reset Call with me at www.heathermillscoaching.com/call. We’ll identify where your critic is loudest and choose one small step you can test right away.
 

Thanks for listening. If your inner critic gets loud this week, remember, it’s just training, not truth. Give yourself the same kindness you’d offer anyone else. I’ll see you next time.