Ever wonder if you’re actually burned out-or if this is just what being a lawyer feels like? If you’re running on empty but still pushing through, this episode is for you. 

This is The Lawyer Burnout Solution, the podcast for female attorneys who want to stay in the careers they worked so hard to build—without running themselves into the ground. I’m Heather Mills, and every week, I’ll share the tools, strategies, and mindset shifts you need to reclaim your energy, confidence, and career.

 I’m thinking back to a night that still stands out to me. 

I’m alone in my office, pizza box open, janitors vacuuming around me. I’m staring at my computer, re-reading the same paragraph for the tenth time, totally stuck. I wasn’t getting anywhere, but I refused to leave. Why? Because I was terrified I’d disappoint everyone if I didn’t come up with a better argument, or finish, or just keep pushing. 

That’s when I started to wonder – was this just regular stress, or something beyond  that I needed to do something about?

And I know I’m not the only one asking that question. My client Rachel brought it up in her very first call with me. She wanted to know: Am I actually burned out and need to do something about it? Or is this just stress that’ll pass? Or – maybe the scariest thought is this just what being a lawyer feels like?

If you’ve ever wondered the same thing, you’re in the right place. Today, we’re digging into the real difference between stress and burnout – and how to know when it’s time to take action. 

Let's first talk about what burnout isn't because we hear the word burnout a lot right now - on Instagram, in the news, and with friends and colleagues. The word gets tossed around to describe many different things.

I hear people talk about burnout when they are tired of something, “I’m so burned out on avocado toast right now. I can’t even look at it.” Obviously that’s not the kind of burnout we’re talking about. 

You also hear people say, I’m so burned out at work right now. And what they mean is they have been working a lot. And they are tired or want a break. 

But it probably doesn’t rise to the level of workplace burnout where I would encourage them to get some help or talk to an expert about it. 

But you don’t have to be falling apart to be in burnout. Many Lawyers who experience burnout are still showing up to their jobs everyday, getting the work done - and are even quite effective, but are still burned out.

Let’s get specific. If burnout isn’t just being tired or totally falling apart, what does it actually look and feel like?

There’s no single, official definition of burnout. The medical world doesn’t call it a disease, and psychiatry doesn’t label it as a mental disorder. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t real or serious.

Here’s the way I define burnout: it’s chronic stress that you don't know how to stop from happening and don’t have the tools to recover from. It’s the kind of stress that sticks around, day after day, because you don’t have the tools or the space to bounce back. You can’t turn it off, and you can’t just “push through” anymore.

Burnout shows up differently for everyone, but there are common symptoms-emotional, physical, and behavioral-that many lawyers experience. 

And while there’s no bright-line rule, you can look at the patterns that we’re about to talk about and get a sense of where you are on the burnout spectrum.

We’re going to talk about 3 different categories of common symptoms that many lawyers experience: emotional, physical, and behavioral.

Let’s start with the emotional red flags-these are often the first signs that something’s off.

You feel emotionally exhausted, like you’re carrying a backpack full of negative emotions that you can’t put down. Resentment is a big one – resentment at work, at home, everywhere. It’s that feeling that everyone wants a piece of you and you have nothing left to give. Does that sound familiar?

Anger and frustration can start to bubble up too. Suddenly, every little thing sets you off-your boss, your inbox, even your kids being excited to see you. Have you noticed your fuse getting shorter lately?

For me, the biggest red flag was apathy. I used to feel fired up about my clients’ cases-fighting for justice, righting wrongs. But burnout left me numb. I’d hear about discrimination or harassment and just think, “Maybe it’s not so bad.” The fire was gone, replaced by hopelessness that anything I did would actually matter. Have you started to lose your sense of purpose or passion for your work?

Then there’s anxiety and overwhelm-the kind that wakes you up at 3 a.m. or makes your chest tight before you even get out of bed. It’s the feeling that everything is too much and you just want to shut down. 

Are you constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, or just hoping to make it through the day without something blowing up?

And finally, cynicism. If you’re rolling your eyes at your work, doubting whether any of it matters, or feeling hopeless about making a difference, that’s a big red flag. Are you starting to believe that nothing you do will ever be enough?

If you’re nodding along to any of these, you’re not alone. These emotional warning signs are your brain and body’s way of telling you something needs to change.

And it’s not just your emotions that take a hit. Burnout shows up in your body, too.

Let’s talk about the physical red flags of burnout-because your body is often the first to wave the white flag, even when your brain is still telling you to push through.

Chronic stress doesn’t just live in your head. When you’re burned out, your body is constantly flooded with stress hormones, and over time, that takes a real toll. You might notice you’re not sleeping well, or you’re waking up already exhausted. Maybe your stomach is a mess, your muscles are tight, or you have random aches and pains that just won’t go away. 

Some people see hair loss or unexplained weight changes. All of this is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s not right.”

For me, it showed up first as relentless knots in my shoulders and neck. I remember waking up before a big deadline and realizing I could only turn my head one way. I spent half the morning frantically calling chiropractors and massage therapists, not because I wanted to feel better, but just so I could get back to work and keep grinding. That’s how deep I was in it: my only goal was to function, not to actually heal.

Are you noticing your body breaking down in ways you can’t just power through anymore? Are you ignoring these symptoms because you feel like you don’t have time to deal with them?

If your body is sending up these flares, don’t brush them off. Physical symptoms, especially when they show up alongside emotional and behavioral red flags, are your body’s way of demanding a change. And you’ve got to listen to it – because you deserve more than just surviving. 

Burnout doesn’t stop at physical symptoms. Burnout can also change your behavior and the way you see yourself.

So let’s talk about the behavioral red flags of burnout-how it changes what you do, and how you see yourself. 

One of the first things I noticed was how burnout chipped away at my confidence. Sure, everyone struggles with self-doubt sometimes, but I used to have this part of me that believed I could figure out any challenge. Burnout drowned out that voice. Suddenly, the loudest thoughts in my head were, “I’m not good at this. I don’t know what I’m doing. Sooner or later, someone’s going to find out I’m just faking it.” The idea of doing this work for another decade started to sound like a nightmare, not an accomplishment.

That loss of confidence brought shame along for the ride. I started pulling away from the things that used to make me feel connected and competent-no more teaching, mentoring, or even chatting with colleagues. I just wanted to do my job and go home. I avoided people, didn’t want to be seen, and definitely didn’t want to risk anyone noticing how much I was struggling.

Does any of that sound familiar? Are you pulling back from things you used to enjoy-mentoring, socializing, even just grabbing coffee with a colleague? Have you started to doubt whether you’re actually good at your job, even though you’ve always been incredibly competent? Are you hiding out at work or at home because you’re worried you’re not measuring up?

Then there’s the way burnout drains the color out of your life. When you’re emotionally exhausted and physically worn down, you stop doing the things that make life fun. You’re not reading for pleasure, rock climbing, baking, or whatever used to light you up. You don’t have time-or even the energy to figure out what would be fun. Life just feels flat, like you’re going through the motions. There’s no aliveness anymore.

Does your life feel like one endless loop of work, eat, sleep, repeat-with zero fun or excitement? When’s the last time you actually felt alive, or even just enjoyed something for yourself? Are you starting to wonder if you even remember what fun feels like?

At my worst, I felt like a zombie. I’d get up, go to work, grind until late, order the same takeout chicken apples salad, eat in front of the TV, and then stay up too late, sleep-revenge watching Sex and the City reruns and eating Ben & Jerry’s, telling myself this was the only joy I had left in the day.

And here’s a burnout symptom nobody talks about: fantasizing about escape. Not the “I want to open a smoothie shop” kind of dream, but the kind where you wish something-anything-would happen so you wouldn’t have to do your job. Like a minor medical emergency or a natural disaster, just so you could finally get a break. It’s not about wanting a new adventure. It’s about desperately wanting out, even for a little while.

Have you ever secretly wished for something-anything-that would give you a break from your job, even if it sounds totally ridiculous? Are you fantasizing about escape, not because you want something new, but because you just want out? Do you ever catch yourself thinking, “If only I could just disappear for a week, maybe I could finally breathe”?

If you’re hearing yourself in any of this, I want you to know: you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone.

If you’re still wondering if you’re experiencing burnout or just stress, I want you to count up all of the things that I mentioned that resonate with you as something you’re experiencing. And then for each of those symptoms you’re experiencing, I want you to take notice of how severe it is. Like when you’re at the doctor’s office and they ask you is the pain at a 0 (no pain) or a 10 (the worst pain imaginable). 

This is not the time to pretend that it’s no big deal and that you’re fine. I know that you have that tendency to play down any suffering. 

Please don’t minimize your suffering. Just because others are struggling doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real.

If you’re ticking off many of these symptoms and the severity dial is cranked up – t’s not just stress. It’s burnout. 

And listen, you’re not alone. This isn’t a personal failing. It’s a sign that the stress you’re experiencing is chronic and that you’re not able to bounce back from it given the environment that you’re in and the expectations that you have for yourself.

You’ve been trained-especially as a woman in law-to push through, to minimize your own pain, to believe that if you just work harder, you’ll fix it. That’s lawyer brain B.S. 

This is the moment for you to acknowledge to yourself that yes, you are suffering. Your pain and your suffering count. Because you matter. 

 So let’s recap. If you’re recognizing yourself in these symptoms-emotional exhaustion, cynicism, inexplicable physical aches and pains, pulling away from things you used to care about-especially if they’re showing up often and hitting hard, you’re likely dealing with burnout, not just stress. The more these resonate and the more intense they feel, the more important it is not to ignore them. 

 If you’re still not sure, or you want help figuring out what’s really going on, book a call with me. We’ll talk through your specific situation and what steps you can take next.

And before you go, I want you to hear this: Burnout isn’t a life sentence. You can recover. You can feel joy again, trust yourself again, and actually enjoy your life and your work. I know it might seem impossible right now, but I promise, it’s within reach.

You are not broken. You are not failing. You’re a good person with a big heart who’s been trying to do it all in a system that makes it nearly impossible. You deserve support, and you deserve to feel good again.

If this episode hit home-if you’re seeing yourself in these symptoms and wondering what to do next-don’t just push through. Hit FOLLOW or SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss future episodes; I’m here every week with real talk and practical tools to help you break the burnout cycle.

And if you know another lawyer who’s quietly struggling, forward this episode to them. We don’t have to keep pretending everything’s fine. The more we talk about burnout, the more we can change the culture-one honest conversation at a time.

Let’s help each other move from just surviving to actually thriving in this profession.

That’s it for this week. Thanks for listening. Be kind to yourself this week -especially if your brain wants to beat you up for not measuring up. You don’t have to earn your worth by suffering. I’ll see you next week.