Do you ever feel like your stress levels are on autopilot? Like you can never fully relax?
If that’s the case, you might be stuck in the lawyer stress cycle.

Welcome to The Lawyer Burnout Solution, the podcast for female attorneys who want to stay in the careers they worked so hard to build—without running themselves into the ground. I’m Heather Mills, and every week, I’ll share the tools, strategies, and mindset shifts you need to reclaim your energy, confidence, and career.

So I was talking to my client Jess the other day, and she was telling me that no matter what’s happening at work, she always feels on edge - where even the smallest challenges at work stress her out.

So she wondered if she's just being paranoid or if this is normal for other lawyers. I told her this was completely normal. When you’re living with chronic stress, even the smallest details can feel like make-or-break moments.

Has this ever happened to you - where you find yourself completely paralyzed by a tiny task—something that shouldn’t matter, but suddenly feels impossible?
It’s not just the big deadlines or high-stakes meetings; it’s the little things that can push you over the edge.

The forgotten password that sets you into a panic - what if you get locked out? And IT isn’t available?
The message from your boss that says “can we chat” that puts you into full catastrophizing mode.
Trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.
The pile of laundry that greets you when you get home. It’s not much, but the thought of folding it feels insurmountable.

If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. Chronic stress rewires your brain and body, making even the smallest tasks feel like mountains to climb.

It’s a cycle many lawyers—and especially women in law—know all too well. The lawyer stress cycle happens when our brains trigger our stress response too easily and too often, leaving our bodies flooded with cortisol and adrenaline for too long.

And that chronic stress builds up over time - that’s when the smallest challenges feel like they are going to break you.

And that’s when we know you are in burnout. Chronic stress in the body that we don’t know how to stop or deal with is burnout. The problem isn't you; it's how your brain is wired to detect threats.

This lawyer stress cycle happens because of our fight or flight response that evolved to protect us from physical threats like predators.

It also evolved to protect us from emotional threats like social exclusion. Because eons ago when we were hunter-gatherers, we had to rely on each other to stay alive. So being excluded from the group was closely tied to threatening our physical safety.

But now, in the modern world we live in, our brains haven’t caught up with the kind of environment we live in and the stressors we face. It still thinks everything is a threat to our safety, which leads to chronic stress. That chronic stress persists and compounds over time which causes burnout.

If you’re wondering how much longer you can possibly go on like this - that is a good question to ask. Because it’s true that being in the lawyer stress cycle is not sustainable. Something is going to break - whether it’s your job, or your relationships - or your body.

But you’re not stuck there permanently. You can exit the lawyer stress cycle without quitting your job or leaving the law.

So let’s talk about HOW the lawyer stress cycle starts and why we stay stuck in it. There are three key factors that contribute to an overactive stress response:

The first factor is hypervigilance. Our brains are wired to detect threats, a trait passed down through evolution to keep us alive. This hypervigilance was super beneficial to humans who faced a lot of physical danger.
But today, we don’t face many physical threats. We’re sitting in multi-story office buildings where the most physically threatening thing is getting on the elevator. Or we’re sitting at desks in home offices where the biggest threat to our physical safety is running out of coffee or tripping over our dog.
But our brains are still wired like our ancestors', always on the lookout for threats. So, an overflowing caseload might feel as life-threatening as being chased by a lion.
Or having a micro-managing boss might feel like you're about to get kicked out of the group—except instead of losing your spot by the fire, you're worried about losing your job.

This hypervigilance comes from the oldest part of our brain - the amygdala. It doesn’t care that you’re overly stressed or overwhelmed or on edge so much of the time that it’s making you miserable.
It doesn’t care about your happiness at all. Its only goal is to keep you alive—and it’s doing that really well.

The second factor is our negativity bias. We focus more on negative experiences than positive ones, which can amplify stress. Our brains are wired to pay more attention to what could go wrong rather than what's going right.
We lawyers are KNOWN for this.
I’ll tell you firsthand that bringing that negativity bias into your personal life—and even into your career beyond issue spotting—is a ticket to burnout.

This negativity bias started getting reinforced into us in law school. And just continues throughout our legal careers if we don’t manage it in our own brains.
We’re constantly scanning for problems that could happen in the future… and we ignore all of the good things in front of us and how capable we are of responding to challenges.

The third factor is self-criticism. Our own thoughts about ourselves can be interpreted as threats. As women, we’re socialized to believe we're not good enough. We criticize ourselves for not meeting society’s impossible standards for women.
It’s not safe to experience self-judgment, criticism, and rejection, or feel those emotions of shame that result from those thoughts. Your brain is telling you that your thoughts and emotions are not safe: you need to get away from them. And that triggers our stress response.

One of my clients and I were just talking about this the other day. How our self-criticism is something that we want to get away from—and it feels like wanting to recoil from yourself. It’s so painful.

When I was in the thick of burnout, the way that I got away from myself and my relentless self-criticism was with Netflix and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. We all find ways to numb out when we want to avoid these awful feelings and don’t know how to manage them.

So let’s recap:
I shared three key factors that contribute to an overactive stress response.
Number one: hypervigilance.
Number two: negativity bias.
Number three: self-criticism.

Hypervigilance and negativity bias are both evolutionary. And the negativity bias is both evolutionary and socialized into us as lawyers.
And self-criticism is a result of our socialization that we’re supposed to be perfect and that there’s something wrong with us when we reveal our humanity.

So this is to remind you that none of this is your fault.

Fortunately, you are not doomed to stay stuck in the lawyer stress cycle. You can turn down your stress response and regain control over your life by teaching your brain and body that you are safe.

I want to give you 3 ways to teach your brain that you are safe. These aren’t the only ways, but these are good places to start:

1. Turn Down the Volume
Super simple. Just find a quiet spot to sit for one or two minutes. Close your eyes and notice the sensations in your body. Identify if you feel fight (anger, snapping), flight (wanting to run or hide), or freeze (paralysis, overwhelm).
Place your hand on your chest and gently ask your body to ease off, to turn down the threat response.
You’d be surprised how effective this can be.

2. Increase Positive Thoughts
You may not realize how negatively you talk to yourself. Just start noticing the positive thoughts you already have about yourself.
If you start with one today, and increase by one each day, by the end of 10 days, you’ll have 10 new affirming thoughts about yourself. And those thoughts shift your internal dialogue over time.

3. Reframe Workplace Challenges
Remind yourself that you’ve managed similar challenges before. Ask yourself, “How do I want to respond to this?” or “Who do I want to be in the face of this challenge?”
This helps your brain understand this is not a threat—it’s a problem you can handle, like you’ve done many times before.

So with these 3 things, you can start teaching your brain that you are safe:
1. Ask your body to turn down the stress response.
2. Notice and increase positive thoughts about yourself.
3. Reframe the threat as a manageable challenge.

What I hope you take away today is this: when you’re in the lawyer stress cycle, your brain is triggering your stress response too easily and too often. It’s not your fault. It’s evolution and socialization. But you are not powerless.
You can exit the lawyer stress cycle—without quitting your job—by teaching your brain that you are safe.

When you teach your brain that you're safe, you're not just dialing down stress; you're fundamentally shifting how you show up in your life and career. You're unlocking a version of yourself that's more resilient, creative, and productive.

This isn't about sacrificing success for well-being; it's about achieving both simultaneously.

If you want to hear more strategies about how to thrive as a lawyer without burning out, FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE to the podcast on your favorite app to stay updated on new episodes and insights.

SHARE this podcast with other lawyers you know who could benefit from hearing it—whether they're dealing with chronic stress, feeling overwhelmed, or navigating burnout. By sharing, you'll help spread valuable information and support your colleagues in their own journeys toward being happy, healthy lawyers.

That’s it for now. Thanks for listening and remember to be kind to yourself this week. See you next week.