What if the very thing you think is saving your career is actually jeopardizing it?

Welcome to the Lawyer Burnout Solution, the podcast for female attorneys who want to stay in the careers that they've worked so hard to build without running themselves into the ground. I'm Heather Mills, and every week I'll share the tools, strategies and mindset shifts you need to reclaim your energy confidence and career.

Almost every lawyer who comes to me has tried working harder and putting in more hours as a way to get out of burnout.

I tried it myself when I was a burned out lawyer. I thought that if I just put more hours in, tried harder, worked harder, then I could solve the problem of feeling overwhelmed with too much to do and that that would solve my other problems, like feeling completely exhausted and cynical about work.

But the only place that working harder got me was even more exhausted, stressed out and burned out.

So the real problem is that when you buy into the myth that working harder will solve your burnout, you stay stuck in a cycle of burnout. You stay in chronic stress and exhaustion.

And that strains your relationships, puts your long-term health at risk, and keeps you from becoming the happy, healthy lawyer that you can be.

So, let's explore the Burnout Myth that Working Harder will Solve Your Burnout – where it came from – and why it's particularly damaging for women lawyers.

When I was burned out, I was in denial that I was burned out.

I thought that if I admitted that I was burned out to myself - or anyone else - that would mean that I was weak, or that I was not cut out to be a lawyer.

So I stayed in denial and didn’t ask for help. I didn’t even consider reaching out to the employee assistance program because I was worried that it wasn’t actually confidential.

I also had an extreme idea of what burnout was - I thought that if you were burned out - that you had gotten to the point where you couldn’t physically or mentally work anymore. And to recover, you would need to leave your job either temporarily or possibly permanently.

None of that was true but I didn’t know that at the time.

And that kind of complete physical or mental breakdown wasn’t what I was experiencing.

I was still keeping up with all of my work and meeting my deadlines. I just felt exhausted, cynical and inadequate. I’d lost all belief in the idea that I was having a positive impact.

So that didn’t leave me with many options.

The only real solution I had in front of me was to keep working harder.

And that’s what had worked in the past. That was my MO. I knew how to work hard. You know, since I was a kid, to get good grades, to get into college, to pass the LSAT, to graduate from law school, to pass the bar, to get that first associate job, you work really hard to figure out how to be a litigator, and you work hard to get the experiences you want to keep progressing. So working harder is what we know how to do.

The problem with working harder to try to get out of burnout is that it misunderstands what burnout really is. It’s not just about being tired or overworked.

It's a complex issue involving chronic stress, emotional exhaustion, and cynicism toward your work.

Working harder might temporarily mask the symptoms. But it doesn't address the underlying causes.

So what are the underlying causes? There isn’t just one. There are many circumstances that put you at risk for burnout including how competitive and demanding the legal industry is, with high expectations and long hours.

But I want to dive deeper into the underlying causes of burnout that most people don’t talk about - and that’s our socialization. What we’re socialized to believe.

There are two key beliefs that are at the root of burnout and trick us into thinking working harder will solve it.

The first belief is that how productive we are determines how good of a person we are. It’s this idea that our worthiness as a person, depends on how productive we are.

This belief is so old and so pervasive that most of us don’t question it all.

The Puritans believed that working hard was a way to demonstrate you’re a good person. It signaled that you were one of the chosen ones who would be saved.

With the industrial revolution and capitalism, this idea evolved into the popular cultural belief that hard work makes you successful and hard work makes you a good person.

We don’t even realize that we’re thinking this way.. We think it’s just the way the world works - like it’s an absolute truth with a capital T.

The second belief that is at the root of burnout and tricks us into thinking working harder will solve it is rooted in our socialization as women, and that's the belief that how much we serve and care for and do things for others determines our value or worthiness as a person.

There's this expectation that women are supposed to be nurturing and caring and that we are supposed to take care of everyone around us, and the more we do for others, the more evidence there is that we're a good person to others and to ourselves, right?

One of my clients who came to me for burnout recovery coaching owned a small law firm. Let’s call her Sarah to keep things confidential.

She had several associates and paralegals as employees at the time. She was known for handling really complex cases and for her dedication to her clients.

But behind the scenes, Sarah was struggling.

Every morning, she woke up with a pit in her stomach, already feeling overwhelmed by the day ahead. She felt like she needed to be constantly available—for her employees and clients, while also preparing for court appearances.

On top of that, she was beating herself up for not being a better mother to her two teenage kids who were both going through their own struggles.

Sarah had internalized the idea that she needed to be everything to everyone. She told herself that if she just billed more hours, won more cases, and proved herself as an exceptional lawyer, she’d feel happier about starting her firm. And she told herself that if she spent more time with her kids, they wouldn’t be facing the struggles they were facing.

So no matter how much she achieved professionally or personally, it never felt like enough.

Her inner dialogue was relentless: "If I don’t win these cases, I’ll be a failure." "If I’m not there and present all the time to help my kids through what they’re struggling with, I’m a terrible mother."

These thoughts weren’t facts—they were stories Sarah’s brain had absorbed from our culture. Yet they shaped how she viewed herself and her worth.

To cope with the self-doubt and stress, Sarah doubled down on working harder. She stayed late at the office every night, skipped meals to squeeze in more work, and sacrificed sleep to prepare her cases.

She thought that if she could just push through this rough patch—finish this one case—she’d feel better and she’d be able to spend more time with her kids.

But instead of solving her burnout, working harder made things worse. Her body was still continually flooded with stress hormones.

She started getting headaches and having insomnia. Emotionally, she felt more and more detached from her work and cynical about whether she was making any real impact.

And worst of all, she was constantly judging and criticizing herself for not being able to keep up with the impossible standards she had set for herself as a lawyer and as a mom.

Sarah's not unique, of course. You know, I see a lot of myself in her story, and maybe you do too.

So I want to ask you guys, do you remember those finger traps that we played with as kids? Back then we called them Chinese finger traps, but they're probably not Chinese at all, so probably don't need to call them that anymore. Anyway, they’re like little woven pieces of bamboo and you put your fingers in the ends and when you try to pull your fingers out, the trap tightens.

A similar thing happens, when you try to escape burnout by working more, it can feel like the stress is tightening its grip. The solution, much like escaping the finger trap, involves a counterintuitive approach: instead of pulling away, you need to 'push in'—

And in this case pushing in means looking inward - to the beliefs that are driving your behavior.

And that’s what Sarah started to do in our work together.

She started challenging those deeply ingrained beliefs and acknowledge that tying her self-worth to how much work she accomplished was unsustainable.

That was what was creating her chronic stress. The beliefs that made her feel guilty and ashamed if she didn’t work more.

She practiced new thoughts to help her believe that each of us is worthy and valuable regardless of the work we do. That she is valuable and worthy simply because she exists. That productivity doesn’t determine her value as a person. And how successful her business was didn’t determine her value as a person.

Sarah also began questioning the belief that how well she took care of others determined how good of a mom, lawyer, or person she was. She started practicing believing that she could be good mom even if her kids were struggling. And she could be a good mom regardless of how much time she spent doing things for them.

Once she’d made some progress on building those new beliefs she was able to take some practical steps to address her burnout.

She stopped answering emails after 7 PM and started delegating more tasks. She started scheduling time for activities that rejuvenated her—like reading a novel and movie night with her family.

And the ironic thing, the surprising thing for her, was that her work didn't suffer. In fact she felt more creative and strategic in her work because without all of those stress hormones were no longer interfering.

But none of these practical steps would have been possible without working on the underlying beliefs first. This is the first step towards true recovery from burnout and building a more sustainable career.

My key takeaway for you is this: the myth that working harder will solve your burnout - is actually a barrier to recovery.

A lasting solution requires a shift away from the social conditioning that ties our self-worth to how much we do so that we can address what’s really causing our stress.

By recognizing your inherent worth, you're not only transforming your personal life but also contributing to a larger cultural shift.

Breaking free from burnout isn’t just about feeling better personally; it’s also about creating a healthier way to work in the legal profession.

When we stop tying our worth to how much we get done or how well we take care of others, we can start building a culture where lawyers are valued for who they are—not just their billable hours.

This shift helps everyone. Lawyers feel less trapped by overwork and exhaustion, and clients benefit from professionals who are more creative, engaged, and fulfilled. Imagine if resilience wasn’t about pushing through stress but about finding ways to thrive—even when things get tough.

It all starts with challenging the beliefs we’ve been taught—like the idea that productivity equals worth—and replacing them with thoughts that allow us to feel more positive about ourselves and our careers.

Changing structural problems starts with one person. One person has to decide that there’s a better way.

And that one person inspires others to make those changes too. When we help ourselves; we’re paving the way for a legal profession where everyone has the chance to thrive, not just survive.

If you want to hear more strategies for breaking free from the burnout cycle... Don’t miss out on future episodes of The Lawyer Burnout Solution. FOLLOW or SUBSCRIBE on your favorite podcast app to get practical strategies that help you thrive in your legal career without sacrificing your well-being.

If you know a colleague who’s feeling overwhelmed or trapped in the “work harder” myth? SHARE this episode with them—it could be the first step toward a healthier approach to their career.

Together, we can challenge the beliefs that keep us stuck and build a community of happy, healthy lawyers.

Thanks for listening. Remember, to be kind to yourself this week. See you next week.